Searching for my Guardian Angel

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I used to be conscious of how people look at me, like whether I appear smart, friendly, good-looking etc. In fact, I did have a bad experience in the past. Till today, I can still vividly recall one incident happened in secondary one.

I remember that was when mIRC had first started and I had joined school channels like #nygh #tchs #njc #hcjc #rvhs etc. At one period of time, I was talking particularly to one guy from the opposite school. One day, we somehow happened to meet at the bus stop so he said “Hi” to me and so on. The next day, G asked me who was that guy she saw yesterday and I told her everything. Soon, many “friendly” classmates started approaching me about it and I felt that was not a big deal and told them the truth. Since that day, I started to feel a wall of invisible ice forming and slowing engulfing me.

I was quite puzzled but I was fine with my small circle of friends like C and R. One day, I happened to find a piece of crumble paper under my desk. Out of curiosity, I opened it and began reading. It was all about some random gossiping going on in the class, till it began with: YX is so despo…she is so fugly like a pig I tell u…she thinks herself v chio got guy talking to her issit…actually she is fugly like shit…she doesn’t know he talked to her coz she is ugly meh…she is damn shameless la to claim got guy talking to her (that’s the gist but expanded to half a page). At that moment, I was completely frozen and couldn’t see a thing nor hear a sound.

This prolly explained the ostracizing part going on in the class (I was one of the victims). That was partially true: I was then having an ugly $5 short haircut, bespectacled, with some pimples on my face and before wearing braces. However, I could hardly link myself to a shameless, desperate gal flirting with guys. Since that day, I began to be more self-conscious, more reserved and dare not talk to guys at all (of coz now is different).

Actually, our perception of beauty is mainly streamed from the mass media. Somehow, a beautiful gal has to have a celebrity’s look, meaning if you look like some celebrity you are in luck. The public’s expectation of a beautiful gal is just as ridiculous. SHE should have large dolly eyes, small sharp nose and full pouting lips. SHE should weight less than 40kg, however have a well-endowed pair of boobs, nevertheless a much smaller pair of perky hips. It is hard to be a beautiful woman today, especially to look like SHE in the magazine. Some might blame it on the flag of personal trainers, nutritionists, beauticians, makeup artists, hairstylists or even plastic surgeons to be the FBI for the celebrities. In addition, the most amazing beautifying tool today would be the Photoshop where one’s flaws can be totally erased or rectified.

In comparison, the women in the past neither had an easier time to look beautiful. In ancient china, a woman has to have small, single-eyelid eyes (so called dragon phoenix eyes), large nose (brings more money luck) and small hello-kitty mouth (cherry mouth). For figure wise, she should be chubby (high social status), however flat chested (not a prostitute) and yet a small pair of foot (graceful) to support her entire heavy weight. If we were to transfer an ancient chiobu through time machine to today and vise versa, we might start condemning each other’s taste.

Personally, I feel technology has advanced to such a state that you can be as beautiful as you want to be, even not yourself. Therefore, many beauty salons, healthcare centres and surgery places have sprouted out in our society today to attack one’s vulnerability of wanting youth and beauty. Nevertheless, I do not need another party to tell me “you are beautiful” anymore. It is not because one has to reach for the beauty within herself herself, for I just know now I do not need to be beautiful to smile confidently. =)

pursuing my happiness with passion@| 1:53 PM

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Meet my fren's pet, Nugget. So cuuute rite? Feel like tickling her soft tummy n make her lauff till all the spikes fall out~ Hee.

Heard she eats kuay lapis, bah kua & cat foodie too. Meowww~~~ ^^

pursuing my happiness with passion@| 8:05 PM

Friday, August 10, 2007

This is my favorite song: Eternal Flame.

Why all beautiful things do not last forever?
为什么美丽的事物都不能化为永恒?
Why is it like firework, fascinating yet gone fast?
为什么它仿佛烟火，眩目却又稍纵即失?
Why can't we keep the flame in our hearts burning eternally?
为什么我们不能让心中的火焰永远燃烧着?
Why the souls used to be so close become strangers eventually?
为什么曾如此贴近的灵魂却最终沦为陌生人?

If love begins in this second, can it last forever?
如果爱能在瞬间展开，是否就能用永远进行着?

Juz wish to c firework one more time this year’s national day. ^^

pursuing my happiness with passion@| 9:45 AM

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Warning: this is a looooong and boring entry, read if you cannot sleep it sure works.

Today is the first day of school, and I feel kind of unlucky... ^^

I predicted library would be crowded with people who wana print, so I woke up super early like 7am (this is a record!) to arrive in school at 8+. The moment I reached there, the lib is already super crowded and "luckily" I've a PC seat almost immed. So I happily sat down and started printing out the not-selling notes. However, by the moment I went to print it, the queue is damn long till I cannot c the end == I'm damn slow-at-work.

Anyway, I went away to join fren at south spine for lec, thinking printing can be done later. On the way there, we went to buy notes and again the queue is frigging looooooooong. After queueing a while, we cannot tahan liao so decide the go lec instead.

Then after lunch, my another fren and I went to queue again and the queue is again freaking loooooooong. I even queue at ATM and withdraw $50 for it man coz only can output $50. To cut the story short, finally it was our turn, then the auntie happily told us: no more notes liao, only can order and get on friday. So bobian, we paid to order it since we dun wana waste the queueing. I find it v stupid lor, even if we get nothing after queueing so long and missed part of 2 lec since we queue twice, why cant she hv the decency to tell us no more liao?!

Anyway, I'm kanchiong type so hate to wait for friday to own my notes. So I sold my notes to my another fren since he needs the notes away. (MUST buy it wor if not you die liao, hiak~) After all the lec, I went to lib again to print my notes. However, not satisfied w/ the printing format earlier, I reformat it all over again and decide to print later. Then I realise my card not enough money so I stored another $20 into my card. This time, the queue is rather short, so I queue again for printing it. However, the queue juz refuse to move itself!!!

To cut the story short, finally it was my turn and another auntie told me: this printing system kana virus v slow, but can only change the server tonight! I almost fainted on the spot can~ Then she said maybe you can try if it captures any of the doc. I click open and wait for downloading whch is v sloooow. I thot muz be a lot of files ma, since i'm printing out everything TWICE for I reformat my printing ma. Then finally the screen finished downloading and it opened: 0 file found. KNS!!! I almost wana cry can, then auntie said: don't worry too much come another day to print lor...just that the files wont be there anymore after today. -_-"

So at 7pm I wanted to go home liao, then the bus stop oso kana flooded until muz wait for the 5th bus to come la. To cut the story short, I finally reached home at 8. Being stubborn as I just cannot believe I cannot do things, I went to print my notes at home AGAIN. Just as I was about to print out my notes, I kana twisted my hip! WALIEW, its not like I'm niu pi gu to dance or wat lor. I just wana print out my notes by TODAY can!!! Like this my simple little wish oso cannot be fulfilled. *puke blood*

Enough said, I go rest liao. Ciao~

pursuing my happiness with passion@| 6:12 AM

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Some stuff I do not understand about women,

1) Why do women love to wear jewelry and have thousands of bags and shoes???
For me, I do not wear any necklace until JC. I had my ears pierced in JC2 for a stupid dare, but only began wearing earring much later in university. So far in my life, I have not worn a ring nor bracelet yet. Also, I cannot understand y they bother to buy so much bags and shoes. I guess I'm abnormal since I have only 2 pairs of shoes and 1 big bag~

2) Why do women love painting their nails???
To me, nails are dead cells or is it soft bone? Never mind, I just do not understand why do gals like to spend so much time and cash in manicure/pedicure. Maybe I'm weird, but I really dun go and paint my nails one leh. =X Please wor, my hands are not ugly. They are fair, smooth and soft. ^^

3) Why do women go diet all the time???
Eating is such a pleasurable thing in life!!! I can understand gals love to be pretty, but to forbid yourself from consuming nice foodie all the time is too much! It is like gals like to have endless dieting regardless of their body size or its effectiveness. Worse, due to long term of suppression, one might suddenly gulp down one cow and become one later. Anyway, I do not mind A BIT bah bah at tummy in exchange for delicacies~ I tend to eat foodie all the time, especially before naps or as supper as it makes you sleepy!

Some stuff I do not understand about men,

1) Why do all guys have black color wallet???
This is amazing! Just ask any guy around you what color is his wallet and you will hear “black”. It seems to be a universal code for guys to own black wallet unless a) he is not really a guy b) he is from outer space c) both

2) Why do guys gel their hair???
Being guys, sadly or luckily they do not doll up like gals by wearing makeup. However, you would find them forever enthusiastically gelling up their hair. For normal days, one dab; for special occasions, one palm. -_-”

3) Why do guys love gummy candies???
This is another “interesting” finding. It is commonly known guys do not like chocolate that much comparing to gals (which is a good thing). However, to place a packet of gummy bears or alike in front of them is dangerous, as it will vanish within 5min.

P/S: Juz watched My Sassy Girl and Windstruck so touching! *sob*
Will update pic after hair cut soon~ ^^ BTW, someone commented my eyes look like cat’s. HAAA~~~

pursuing my happiness with passion@| 2:37 PM

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