Searching for my Guardian Angel

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Juz feel so depressed recently and the only thing I do is to do more work to free myself from thinking.

NTU EEE infocomm FYP student stabbed prof, slitted wrist n jumped to death on monday, followed by EEE infocomm proj officer hanged to death in his hall on friday. In less than a week, 2 suicidal cases from my major were reported consecutively. Nobody knows it just hurts me so so so much to type all these.

My best pri sch fren, Raymond, had committed suicide in his final yr in TCHS while I was in NYGH. Those were the days we talked abt our ambition to go to the most prestigious schools, to be successful people. Those were the days we sat on same bus to and fro our sec sch (our home were a few blocks away). Those were the days we talked over the phone about things in life...

I used to think that I understand him the most as we had common background/life experiences and shared the same dream. Yet till today, I still cant understand why he had chosen this path. It is always a pain in my heart for not able to save him, to let him die in such a lonely and tragic way. For some reason, he must have felt so troubled and helpless to resort to end his own life.

I had spent a lot of time to accept this harsh truth. In many dreams, his look, his smile, his words are all so vivid. But once I open my eyes, he is no longer in my life. I used to even call his number at night, thinking that I could still listen to his voice at the other end, somehow.

Suicidal is unnatural and heartbreaking to the departed's beloved ones. Indirectly, it leaves a permanent scar and punishes them endlessly for not being able to save him, that day and forever. By not leaving a clue behind his sudden departure and a funeral to bid goodbye, I couldn't get over his death even till today.

pursuing my happiness with passion@| 11:37 PM

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